Paradise In the Midwest
Dear Diary:
AUG 12 Moved to our new home in the midwest. The rolling hills are so beautiful here I can hardly wait to see the snow covering them.
OCT 14 The midwest is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful rolling hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This is paradise.I love it here.
NOV 11 Deer hunting season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope is that it will snow. I LOVE it here.
DEC 2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight. I won. And when the snowplow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I LOVE the midwest.
DEC 14 More snow last night. I LOVE it. The snow plow did his little trick again to the driveway. I LOVE IT HERE.
DEC 19 More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. I am exhausted from shoveling. Darn snowplow.
DEC 22 More of that white stuff fell last night. I got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the bend and waits until I am done shoveling the driveway. It is a pain in the rear.
DEC 25 Merry BAH HUM BUG Christmas. More friggen snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-gun who runs that snowplow I swear I will kill the creep. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt all that darn ice.
DEC 27 More of that white crap last night. Been inside for three days except for shoveling out the driveway after the snow plow comes by each time. Can't go anywhere, car is stuck in the mountain of white crap. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of snow again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full 10 inches is?
DEC 28 The dang weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of the white stuff this time. At this rate it wont melt till summer. The snowplow got stuck up on the road and that son-of-a-gun came to MY door asking to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had broken six shovels already shoveling all the crap he pushed into my driveway, I broke my last one over his blankety blank head.
JAN 4 Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way a Damned deer ran in front of the car and I hit it. Did about $5000.00 damage to the car. Those beasts should all be killed. I wish the hunters would have killed them all last November.
MAY 3 Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusting from all that lousy salt they put all over the roads.
MAY 10 Moved to Key West, Florida. I can't imagine anyone in their right mind would ever want to live in the God forsaken midwest.
