Liquefaction: the opposite of liquefiction.
Geologists believe the Earth is over 4 billion years old. That sounds like a lot, but it’s much less than the national debt.
The Earth’s core is approximately 5,000 km deep. I knew it! Jules Vern was wrong, way wrong!
Rock: solid, cohesive aggregate of one or more minerals—which proves it once and for all that Madonna has no place in it.
Plutonic igneous rocks: have only casual relationship with country rock.
Foliation: plants that grow on metamorphic rocks.
Regional metamorphism: a state suddenly votes republican.
Rock cycle: washing machine setting for stone wash jeans.
Elastic limit: number of snuggies that a pair of Fruit of the Looms can withstand before stretching out the waistband.
Ionic bonding: positive particles hugging negative particles
Clastic: stick used to keep students in line
Paleomagnetism: the charm that a geologist had when he was younger
Spreading center: the spot in the middle of a slice of bread where the peanut butter starts off at
Polar wander curve: paths made by disoriented polar bears migrating
Plate boundary: line beyond which food will spill
Island arc: Hawaiian lightning
P-waves: toilet bowl disturbances
Dilatancy model: when Kim Alexis was pregnant
Apatite is the mineral similar in chemical composition to that of teeth, not albite.
The apparent dip is the portion of the dip of a plane exposed to the geologist—not your field assistant.
An apophysis is a branch or offshoot of an intrusive body, though many have them removed surgically.
Appollonian metamorphic rocks are from the moon and were named after the Apollo program, and not after that eighties chick band as many once believed.
The Appalachian Revolution is an obsolete term abandoned in favor of the
term Allegheny Orogeny, though both of these terms have roots in the
movie Deliverance.
An aphanite is a fine-grained igneous rock that has no real feeling of concern for anything in particular.
The apparent thickness of a unit is measured perpendicular to the ground surface, though this can be estimated by just looking at some people.
The Arbuckle Orogeny happened in the Wichita fold belt of southern Oklahoma, and had nothing to do with Garfield the cat or Jon.
A oil exploration geologist who takes a job in hygrogeology but really never should have is an aquitard.
Relative dating is used to place rock units in their chronologic positions, not a courtship within a small gene pool.
Thermoluminescence is a technique for determining the absolute age of sediments, not the light given off by your professor after he has been lit on fire.
A stalactite is a long, round feature formed on the roofs of caves, not the undergarments worn by German POW camp guards.
A peneplain is a term introduced by Davis to describe a surface that has been eroded completely flat and near base-level. It is also a tool used by Elaine Bobbit.
A P-wave is not only the fastest energy leaving an earthquake, but makes a broad, yellow arc in the snow.
Polymorphism is a mineral, politician, or black pop star that can hold different forms while retaining the same intrinsic structure.
A packer test measures the hydraulic properties of an aquifer, and also determines whether you ate your companions in good faith or if you killed them first.
A conglomerate is both a poorly sorted sedimentary rock and the corporate
entity responsible for your consulting firm getting run out of town.
Continental drift: the difference between the direction that your baggage takes relative to you when you fly Continental.