It's not weather you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
We have enough youth! How about a fountain of smart?
The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
A fool and his money can throw one heck of a party.
When blondes have more fun,, do they know it?
Five days a week, my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
Learn from your parents mistakes. Use birth control.
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill something.
If at first you don't succeed ... skydiving is not for you.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
Times fun when you're having flies.
... Kermit the Frog
We are born naked, wet and hungry, then things get worse.
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to produce reproductive organs.
Alabama state motto: "At least we're not Mississippi."
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.
You know why a banana is like a politician? When he first comes in he is green, then he turns yellow and he's rotten.
I think Congressman should wear uniforms like NasCar drivers so we could identify their corporate sponsor.