I’ve always been intrigued by people’s attitudes toward money, and I’ve observed that many people do not have a healthy relationship with their money. I know a woman who, with her husband, has an annual household income in the neighborhood of $150,000. There are many occasions when I hear her say "oh, we just can’t afford that" – and she’s referring to a fairly inexpensive item. I find her attitude interesting, because the fact is that she chooses not to purchase something – for whatever reason – but she tells herself – and others – that the reason is because she can’t afford it. That constant repeating of the phrase "I can’t afford it, I can’t afford it" establishes a pattern of behavior I call poverty consciousness. The phrase "I can’t afford it" becomes a poverty mantra.

If you find yourself chanting that poverty mantra to yourself over and over, it should be no surprise that you often have a lot of month left over at the end of the money. Another woman I once knew often joked, "I can’t be out of money; I still have checks in my checkbook!"

There has always been a wealth of advice on bringing more money into your life. Whatever you give to charity will come back tenfold. You have to spend money to make money. Penny wise, pound foolish.

For some reason, I seem to have created a lot of people around me who do not share my views about money. This may be how I have managed to develop my own positive relationship with money – because I am learning from their failed relationship with their money. In their eyes, no doubt, I’m viewed as a spendthrift, as one who throws money into the wind. But, I am also a believer in paying yourself first. Once you’ve taken some money off the top for savings and investments and bills are paid you are free to do whatever you like with what is left.

Business associates and friends often raise their eyebrows when they see how much I tip in a restaurant – generally about 20 to 25% of the bill. This is a practice I started in my early twenties when I began traveling for business and ate a lot of meals in restaurants. This was in the early seventies and female business travelers were quite rare back then. I’d heard and read about how waitresses seldom provided good service to female customers because they were notoriously poor tippers. At the age of 21, I decided that I was going to embark on a one-woman crusade to change this perception among the food service workers of America! Since then, I’ve always made a point of tipping well. You never know how the simple gesture of tipping well or tipping poorly might come back to you.

It was in the late seventies and my mother and I were traveling to our summer cabins at a major recreational area and lake which was about a six hour drive. We decided to break up the trip by spending the night in a small city that was half way to our destination. There was a nice restaurant there and we made an evening of a full meal, wine and dessert. Our waitress was very attentive to our needs throughout the meal and we left her a generous tip. Enough years have passed that I don’t remember the amount, but I do remember that it was well over 25% of the bill.

The next morning we drove on to our cabins, and were getting them opened up and ready for the summer. Later in the afternoon, someone arrived at the cabin adjacent to ours, and as she was unpacking her car and settling in, she seemed quite familiar. It was our waitress from the night before, from the restaurant 150 miles away! The cabin belonged to her aunt and uncle and she was using it for the weekend. We all laughed over the coincidence and she said she remembered us well, because "that was the biggest tip I’ve ever gotten!" Years later, my mom and I laughed about the incident and often thought how awkward that would have been if we had left a small tip or stiffed her. From that day forward, I’ve never thought twice about leaving a large tip.

As I mentioned earlier, I seem to be surrounded by people who live in poverty consciousness. These are not poor people, but people of middle to upper middle class incomes. But they think poor. Here are just a few examples of poverty consciousness:

The Coupon Clipper

A coworker insisted that I use a $4 coupon she was giving me on a new household cleaning product. If I redeemed it, she would get some kind of rebate in the mail. I was in prime form that day, and launched into the following speech: "I don’t use coupons because doing so is an admission to the universe that I can’t afford to pay regular price for something. Using coupons is a manifestation of poverty consciousness and I would much rather live a life of abundance, knowing that I can afford to pay full price."

She just looked at me and said, "You’re getting weird again. Just use this so I can get my rebate."

The Sweepstakes Entrant

Another woman I know spends hours every week sending in entries for various publisher's sweepstakes. Not only is she wasting this time, but also postage. Hardly a day goes by that I don’t see her with a fist full of envelopes of sweepstakes entries. She has the attitude that monetary wealth is something to be attained overnight, and not as a result from work and effort. I’d be curious to see how much she might have accumulated over the past 30 years had she invested her postage costs, rather than entering sweepstakes. Not surprisingly, she’s never won anything. This is also someone who uses coupons in restaurants and stiffs food servers. On more than one occasion, I’ve seen her put a tip on the table and then slip the entire amount back in her pocket when she thinks no one is looking.

Not all of my friends and associates live a life of poverty consciousness (thank goodness!). Another dear friend and I used to have great fun on road trips and dining out. We were in our late twenties and we were both spending money as if we had it, buying expensive clothes and taking expensive vacations. We were young enough to not give much thought to the future. But we knew how to have a good time! We both lived with the philosophy of "act as if" – we acted as if we really were rich, and discovered that people treated us as though we were. It was all an act, and both of us were struggling to pay off our credit card bills every month. It also gave us entry to a world of arts, culture and influence. We often looked at each other in these situations and thought, "how did we get here?" We just hummed a few bars and faked it. It was an exhilarating time. Once, we were returning from a weeklong business trip, sequestered in one of the airline preferred flyer lounges in Chicago for about six hours with less than $10 between us. But we managed, although we had to call another friend for a ride when we got home because we didn’t have enough money for a taxi.

I have to admit a fondness for lobster, yet it’s not one of those foods I eat frequently. Have you ever been to a restaurant where the menu actually listed the price, rather than the phrase "current market value"? Several months ago I had just completed a major business project that was the culmination of a year of work. I was ready to celebrate. A friend and I went to dinner at a very nice, very expensive French restaurant. Having just returned from Boston a couple weeks earlier, I still hadn't had my fill of lobster. I commented to my friend, "I’ve always wanted to be able to go into a restaurant and order the lobster without asking what the market price is." And I did it! We had the most wonderful dinner, wine, dessert, wonderful service, in a most relaxing environment. This was my celebration to myself for the work of the past year. When our bill arrived, my portion came to $80.00. As I slipped a $100 bill into the folder, I thought that was probably the most satisfying meal I’d ever had. It’s not something I would do every day, but for that moment, it felt good knowing that I could.

Once you begin acting as if you have a life of abundance, you will have a life of abundance. This comes more from your attitude and beliefs than from the balance in your bank account. How do you talk to yourself about money?

There are some behaviors that reinforce poverty consciousness. Do you practice any of these limiting behaviors that keep you from achieving abundance in your life?